Peas Out Mama

blogging about life in the mama 'hood

Top Ten Reasons I Should Quit My Day Job

This is only my third post of the week, but I have a good reason. I was sick. On Wednesday morning, I awoke with one thought and one thought only: I’d do anything to call in sick. And that’s when it hit me. Holy crap. I can’t call in sick. What the hell? No sick days? What kind of racket is this stay-at-home mom business? So yeah, it got me thinking. In the business world, this job would so never fly. No way. What kind of sucker sacrifices sick days?

So here you have it…the top ten reasons I should quit my day job as a stay-at-home mom.

10. No sick days: Need I say more? Unless you’re willing to let the midgets fend for themselves, wipe your nose, pop some meds, and sweat it out.

9. No personal days: Nothing is personal anymore, not even peeing.

8. No vacation days: Mother’s Day so does not count, unless said mother is away…by herself…on an island…with margaritas and an on-call massage therapist. 

7. No health insurance: This clearly isn’t necessary, as you will not be getting sick.

6. No retirement plan: Who needs to retire? You’ll always be a mom.

5. Staff insubordination: The underlings ignore you and do what they want in spite of your endless pleas.

4. Lack of professionalism in the field: Apparently they let anyone breed these days…no experience necessary…no degree required.

3. No room for advancement: Job title remains the same. No such thing as “Coordinator of Goods Procurement,” “Senior Executive Bum Wiper,” or “Vice President of Home Operations.” You get the idea, though I’m now considering getting creative when someone asks me what I do. Might be time to update my LinkedIn profile.

2. Inconsistencies in professional development: Everyone has an opinion and everyone has written a book. No one agrees with each other.

1. No salary: Oh sure, salary.com is cute about this. Each year they come up with an estimated salary a mom would make based on her common job functions. This year, the figure is $122,732. But I ask you — how much of that do I see?

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10 thoughts on “Top Ten Reasons I Should Quit My Day Job

  1. Raquel on said:

    Ha and let’s not even mention multiples…I would like to see the signing bonus for that surprise…
    Michelle, even though my girls are 9 I totally enjoy reading your baby conquests!

  2. Lisa Feeney on said:

    #4 just cracked me up to no end!!! I love your writing Michelle. I dont always have the time to read them but tonight I am enjoying it so much!!!! Oh and #8 I am going with you!!!!! (Can I bring my patrick swayze movies?)

  3. I am always saying that you are on call 24/7 with this job and no bennies! And talk about not getting any time off if you need to leave early/go in late because of doctor or dentist visits!

  4. Lack of professionalism in the field….oh hell yeah….I would laugh but want to cry because we’ve all seen “that mom”….my old doctor used to say the dumber people are, the more fertile they seem to be…’nuff said on that!

    Classic stuff…..love it all….but I will have you know, I am a “Household Manager” because my job extends way beyond mommying. But I think I might be in need of an upgrade at this point, don’t you?

  5. hollieiv on said:

    I love the, “No personal days: Nothing is personal anymore, not even peeing.”

  6. I loved this piece. In my case the title has remained the same but I’ve been given even MORE staff to supervise. Which means longer hours, more complaints, more illnesses to cope with and to try to fight off, yada, yada, yada. At least my co-supervisor is good at praising my efforts (although I think he’d be afraid not to!)

  7. Christina on said:

    I love this! It’s like you read my mind and put it on paper. Who is in charge of our payroll department???

  8. Mary Kaelin on said:

    Maybe your retirement plan can be that in 25 years when Freddie is a super successful lawyer/doctor/Nobel peace winner/Pro Basketball player, he will have millions of extra money that he will more than willingly give to his devoted parents and take care of all their needs so they may travel, relax, and enjoy how wonderful their son is! 🙂

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