Let me tell you what you can do with that sweater vest.
Ah, Christmas. The tree. The lights. The presents. The joy. Finally being able to send out a cute holiday photo card of the little guy, thus saving myself from actually writing cards (a lost art form, I know, but one I’m willing to surrender). Those photo cards are a stroke of genius. People want to know what your kid looks like, you send holiday wishes, all’s good with the world.
Except, that is, when you don’t have a kid. You can’t get away with the photo card otherwise. One exception: My sister-in-law sent out photo cards of her dog last year. Totally acceptable and appropriately cute. Sending out photo cards of your adult self, however, is so not cute. If you’ve done this or plan on doing this, I’m sorry. But I’m doing you a favor in telling you to cease this activity. It’s a little…um…odd. I know — I’m opinionated. That’s why you read this, right? To hear my opinions? You may not always like them, but I have them to share and they’re free. I can’t help myself. I was an English major. I am educationally trained to have an opinion, to take a stance, support it with evidence, yadda yadda. So there you have it. I’m opinionated. Blame my schooling.
Back to the photo cards. I’ve had this vision of Boo Boo’s little holiday outfit. Hey, I used to have career aspirations, but times have changed. My vision, friends, has been shattered. I’ve shopped online, browsed the stores, done sun salutations, but alas, as a parent of a boy, I’ve met my nemesis in the form of a sweater vest. They’re everywhere. They’re mocking me and my humble vision. I’ve browsed — in stores and online — and let me tell you, when I wasn’t looking, the sweater vest staged a huge comeback and it’s taking over our little boys! Here’s what I wanted: dressy black corduroy overalls and a red button-down shirt with those crotch snap whosie-whatsits. Nope and nope. Good luck to me. What do I find instead? Sweater vest after freakin’ sweater vest. Don’t get me wrong; the sweater vest is a good look. But parents of girls will not understand. It is the only holiday look for boys. Let me repeat — the only look. Oh sure, if you have a newborn or something, you can get one of those freakish onesies and make your kid look like an elf gone bad. Otherwise, make the sweater vest your friend. And be prepared to tuck your kid’s shirt in, like a gazillion times.
And then there are the girls’ outfits. Dresses and dresses and dresses. Fancy dresses, casual dresses, and everything in between. Lace. Bows. Ribbons. Embroidery. Velvets. Cottons. You name it; they have it for girls. Cropped sweaters, pant sets, coats, shirts, skirts. You get the idea. And then…then, there’s the sweater vest. The freakin’ sweater vest. And don’t get me started on the black corduroy pants to go with them (and which I’ve already purchased on clearance for a holiday fashion emergency). I really didn’t think I was asking for much with a pair of overalls and a button-down, but apparently, I’m stretching the imaginations of children’s clothing designers everywhere. I can’t do it, I tell you. I can’t purchase the sweater vest. I may have to make do with a regular sweater and give up my romantic holiday photo card vision. But I refuse to give in to the propaganda. It’s a conspiracy, I tell you. And somehow the American government is involved, I just know it.