Peas Out Mama

blogging about life in the mama 'hood

Quick! Alert the Authorities! My Son Has the Worst Mother EVER!

Alright, I know I’m being dramatic. Most of the time, I feel like a fairly competent parent. But at least three times a day, I feel like I suck. Those times? Um, naptime, naptime, and naptime. Putting Bugga in for a nap is, well, the worst. All the experts and their fancy books tell you to create a routine; routines are comforting. Oh sure, routines are comforting in theory. Unless, of course, your kid passionately despises naptime and catches on to any sadistic routine you might try to impose. I kid you not…he starts whimpering when I shut his shades. I turn on the Sleep Sheep and we hit full-scale crying. I’ve had to switch up the kid’s routine more times than I care to count (sort of defeats the whole routine thing). And the crying — oh, the crying. Bugga has a heinous cry that sounds something like this: “You are the worst mother ever and if I could trade you in, I would! Now get me out of this damn crib before I call DSS, woman.” Oh yeah, that’s comforting.

So I know right now you’re trying to think up solutions to the naptime dilemma. Stop. I’ve heard and read every last bit of sage advice. And none of these little tidbits works with my little monkey. And if hear one more time that he should be taking two two-hour naps, I might just lop someone’s head off. My kid never took two-hour naps. Never, I tell you. Well, maybe he did in a former life. Didn’t he take two-hour naps as a newborn? Um, no. Really? No. You see, Boo Boo isn’t really interested in shoulds. He’s more interested in Boo Boo. So yeah, I’m not interested in another “Well, I did this with my [son/daughter/fill in the name], and it really worked.” Or another “You should really [fill in the blank].” I mean seriously, when your own mother and mother-in-law are at a loss for how to get this bugger to nap, you pretty much know you’re screwed right there.

And these naps I speak of? I might as well call them pseudo-naps. They last for like thirty minutes. I listen to that scream just to get thirty minutes three times a day, and on a day like today, only twice. So is it really worth the aggravation? Damned if I know. I just know the alternative is a complete meltdown. I’m not sure which is worse.  I often make an effort to remind myself of his endearing qualities — like how he shows his excitement through his entire body or giggles like a maniac when tickled. These things almost make up for the naptime madness. And I’m lucky — so very lucky — that the kid has no memory, that just as soon as he’s ready to ring the authorities, he’ll flash a charming little grin and make it all okay. For both of us.


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5 thoughts on “Quick! Alert the Authorities! My Son Has the Worst Mother EVER!

  1. Mary Kaelin on said:

    You are a great Mom! Just think, someday when he is a teenager sleeping 12 hours a day, you will be wondering when he will wake up! 😉

  2. Maybe he’d sleep better if you put him in a sweater vest?

  3. Lisa Feeney on said:

    First you are a fantastic mom!!! Second dont listen to advice or read any books!!!! I tell you the stress I went through with Ericka sounds just like you!! It was the hardest time and she slept maybe 20 minutes… just enough to wash some dishes and throw clothes into the washing machine!!!!! Just remember it wont always be like this!!!! I keep telling myself that…HA

  4. Hey, don’t panic. All kids are different. And in my experience (I have three kids and three grandkids) none of them nap, sleep, eat, burp, or poop the same way. I was told all that stuff about “routines” when I was nursing my kids. “You MUST wait at least 4 hours between feedings, and stick to the schedule”….BOLOGNA! My kids ate when they ate and slept when they slept. They are now full grown healthy and happy people on their way to making thier own great lives! so, I think the most important thing to do for kids is to love them. If you are doing that then that’s half the battle!

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