Birth Day, Part Two
First, allow me to apologize for having to post this little drama in snippets. Consider it my tribute to the soap opera-esque nature of the whole ordeal. Seriously, though, I have very limited time to write.
And allow me for a moment to back up and introduce you to Nurse Nancy. Petite, dyed blonde, fortysomething, barely sympathetic, tight-faced, overworked Nancy. You see, despite having a slew of nurses throughout my hospital stay, Nancy turned out to be my actual labor and delivery nurse. By the end of the whole thing, I wanted to punch Nancy out, too. Let me provide you with two reasons now. More to come later.
1. Nancy had a whole bunch of patients other than me. Scandalous. How dare other women consider going into labor at the same time. Totally unacceptable. So Nurse Nancy was a wandering shadow. She popped in, asked how I was doing, ignored my responses, and then told me I needed to get some rest because I’d need the energy to push. She went through this routine about, hmmm, fifteen times. And I don’t think I’m exaggerating here. That alone would be enough to want to punch her, right?
2. As it got close to pushing time, I got close to vomiting and I told Nurse Nancy as much. So what did she do? She handed one of those puke bins to my husband, who, by the way, was a total champ. You see, Nurse Nancy didn’t have time for the likes of me. So she hands the bin to hubs and I’m like No really, I’m going to puke. Why is no one paying attention? I’m the puker; give me the bin. So hubs hops into action and puts the bin in front of me…yadda yadda yadda…I puke. And then I sob. Because seriously, I’m tough, but I can only take so much. I have this excruciating pain in my neck (literal pain, not Nurse Nancy), ineffective drugs, inept staff, pain, pain, pain, and here I am sobbing. And get this: Nurse Nancy looks me dead in the eye and says C’mon, Michelle, you need to get it together. I swear. I am totally quoting here. In the moment I was stunned (and crying and in pain and tired and miserable) so I said nothing. I tried to get it together because I knew my son needed a mom, not a raving lunatic. But now, now is my chance. Nurse Nancy — %*#@ you! Sorry, mom. She totally deserves it.