Dear Santa, Let Me Explain
Hey. Mama here. So listen, I know you’re busy so I’ll just get right to it. It’s about the kid. I know you’ve got this naughty and nice list floating around somewhere and I’m not ashamed to admit it makes me nervous. Listen, if you could just do me a solid and make sure he gets on the good list, I’d be ever so grateful.
No, no. I understand. He hits his parents. And bites us. I know…you’re right. He’s 20 months old and rocks a time-out like no other. I understand. But I swear he’s nice, too. Like when he gives hugs and smooches and says he loves us. Or when he snuggles. Or sits on our laps to read books.
You’re right, you’re right. Diaper changes are awful. And yes, he did scream, “No way!” at me the last time I attempted such an evil ritual. But he looks really cute in his jammies. You’re with me on that one, right?
This whole presents for nice kids thing…it’s a crock, right? Promise I won’t tell.
Anyway, hear me out on this. He’s little. He needs some time for
reform school learning socially appropriate behavior. And besides, this isn’t about him. It’s about…um…me. I want the toys. I’m effing bored over here! I need new books because seriously, if I read Brown Bear one more time, I’ll scream. And you’ll hear it at the North Pole, dude; I can promise you that. And I’ve been sooooo good, soooo nice. Pinky swear. Okay, maybe not all the time, but I don’t hit and bite. That’s gotta count for something right? Oh, and also I don’t throw tantrums (mostly).
So please…pretty please…put him on the nice list, will you? There’s homemade biscotti in it for you.
In Peas and Biscotti,