Have You Heard? New TV Channel Has Arrived!
No really, it’s true! Boo totally found this new channel and wants to tune in during most of his awake hours. But like anything with toddlers, it gets old fast.
So what does it show? All daddy. All the time. Have you seen it? You probably have; don’t let the name confuse you. It sometimes goes by Mommy, you’re just not good enough anymore. I only take you when I have no choice.
On the one hand, the Daddy Channel is pretty cool. Daddy has become number one nose wiper; possessor of the plate off of which the kid will eat; chief clingee. All of these kinda rock.
But then daddy has to go to work. That’s when the Daddy Channel sucks big-time. There’s the sobbing, the Want daddy-ing, the longingly watching daddy drive away, followed by more crying, at which point, the kid casts a look that I swear says Why can’t YOU be the one to leave? Really. I think I heard his face say it.
There was this one episode where the Mommy goes in to get the kid from his nap and the first thing he says is Want daddy. And then he says (disappointed, I swear), It’s mommy followed by a shot-to-the-heart Mommy go away. And then the Mommy goes away and the kid suddenly realizes she’s his only option and reluctantly calls her back. Nice, kid. Real nice.
You know what else bites about this channel? It totally doesn’t run in the middle of the night. Nope. That’s when the reruns of the Mommy Channel come on. You know the ones with the crying? You know what I’m talking about, right? Those episodes suck, which is obviously why they run at night. The Daddy makes guest appearances, but they’re brief, mostly because the poor guy is angrily banished by the kid.
Did you catch the mini-series where the Mommy fell asleep on the kid’s floor because he’s sobbing like he just woke up from a horrible dream and didn’t want to be alone? I know it didn’t seem like a mini-series, but it was. It’s just that each episode looked. exactly. like. the others. So anyway, the Mommy wipes the kid’s eyes with a tissue because he demands she “keen eyes.” And then she rubs his back. She is totally the best Mommy ever. And he won’t even remember it, dammit. Ungrateful.
Listen, the Daddy Channel has its place. But right about now, I’m lookin’ for my remote.