Peas Out Mama

blogging about life in the mama 'hood

What She Said…and a Little More

I love when I read someone else’s blog post and think Yup, like last week when I found myself reading a post on my phone (which I rarely do because I’m old, and well, it’s a phone and I’m practically already blind). If I’m reading a blog post on a phone, it’s a good one.

The title caught my eye: “I didn’t breastfeed my baby, and here’s why….” Catchy, isn’t it? I do appreciate a good title and this one sucked me right in. No pun intended. You know what else caught my eye? The blog’s title: 6:30 and a Glass of Wine. I liked this mommy immediately.

Anyway, go on and read the post now.

Okay, fine. If you don’t feel like reading it now, bookmark it. Read it later.

You’ll read about Heather’s story of why she ultimately decided not to continue nursing her son. I can relate to much of it. Heather’s post shares her story and the comments following her post offer support and encouragement. But I’m sure many will also read her story and think Yeah, but… as in Yeah, but it may have gotten better or Yeah, but everyone struggles some or Yeah, but you should have/could have/whatever have.

Here’s the thing. Please stop. Another woman’s life and another mom’s experience is not yours.  Heather doesn’t deal with this in her post; that wasn’t her point. Her post, however, inspired me.

First of all, I’m not going to write a post about how moms shouldn’t judge. Telling a human being not to judge — to evaluate a situation and form an opinion — is ludicrous. We are human. We think. We have opinions. We judge. It’s what we do.

We just don’t have to be asses about it. We don’t have to be self-righteous. This comes up a lot in mommy circles, particularly among bloggers, so much so that fellow blogger, Elizabeth, created The Mom Pledge, which has raised awareness about cyber bullying among moms and worked toward “fostering respect, understanding, and acceptance.” Right on, sista!

There’s this part of me that even shudders a little to be writing a post like this. Because truth be told, this whole business seems so connected to class. Honestly, I think if I was living in poverty, I’d probably care even less than I do now about what other people were doing. Nursing, or seating their kids rear-facing in a car, or getting vaccinated, or whatever. Probably, even more than I do now, I’d be focused on doing what I need to do. Even just having this conversation connotes a level of privilege.

So yeah. Let’s just agree to stop.



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9 thoughts on “What She Said…and a Little More

  1. YES all of the things that were said. I feel ridiculous when I say that breastfeeding was traumatic, but there it is. It’s been months and I’m still feeling guilty about it. Until I have that second cocktail and don’t worry about how drunk it might make my baby – then I just feel happy.

    • peasoutmama on said:

      You shouldn’t feel ridiculous at all! We all have different experiences and shouldn’t ever have to justify our choices. Being a mom is hard!

  2. Elizabeth on said:

    Love this!

  3. Great post! Timely for me. I’ve spent the last week feeling very judged in both positive and negative ways. Believe it or not, sometimes being judged in an intended positive way can feel just as bad as if it were negative. I think it would be great if we could all just respect that each of us is on our own journey. I’m not claiming sainthood, I’ve judged. But I’m trying not to.

  4. Hey! I’m Heather – from 6:30 and a Glass of Wine. Thanks for sharing my post. You’d be interested to know that I got slammed by a few judgy judgersteins on another forum! I appreciate all the good vibes and encouragement. Thank you. If you’re interested, I wrote a post on all the mommy judging, ” I’m a Good Mother, You’re a Good Mother”. Check it out. :))))

    • peasoutmama on said:

      Hey! Thanks so much for reading! Ugh, I am so sorry to hear about the other forum. That sucks. Seriously, I could relate so much to your post. I didn’t want to go out on a limb and read too much into your piece, but I know for me I felt like I needed to explain myself and offer justification. I will definitely read your other post and I’m already a fan on fb!

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